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"I'd like to reach a higher state of consciousness, without losing, of course, my administrative and fiscal skills."
'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'
"To begin with, do you have all your receipts?"
Tags:receipt, receipts, accountant, accountants, accounting, audit, audits, auditing, wise man, wise men, guru, gurus, mountaintop, mountaintops, mountain top, mountain tops, holy man, holy men, renounce, renounces, renouncing, material possession, material possessions, religious leader, religious leaders, irs, internal revenue service, i.r.s.
"I just started following you."
Tags:christian, christians, christianity, faith, faiths, convert, converts, conversion, conversions, disciple, disciples, crucifixion, follower, followers, spiritual leader, religious leader, social media, social network, social networks, social networking, bible story, new testament, gospel, gospels
"First, do no ham."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, judaism, rabbi, rabbicinal, rabbis, teaching, teachings, student, students, leader, leaders, religious leader, religious leaders, speech, speeches, ham, rabbinism, pork, pig, pigs, kosher, forbidden, rule, rules, cloved hoof, cloved hooves, rule, rules, law, laws, forbidden, eat, eats, eating
"He said it will be hot and muggy early in the week, with a slight chance of showers."
"I would kill for your metabolism."
Tags:dalai lama, metabolism, celeb, celebs, celebrity, celebrities, celebrity culture, monk, monks, religious leader, spiritual leader, diet, diets, dieter, dieters, dieting, weight loss, weight-loss, losing weight, envy, envious, jealous, jealousy, religious leader, religious leaders, buddhism, buddhist, buddhists
'Some people are calling you a false prophet.'
'Wait a minute Rabbi, I thought you said Judaism wasn't all black and white.'
"Could you all please just listen to my sermon instead of asking me what I would do?"
Tags:jesus, preach, preaches, preacher, preachers, religious leader, religious leaders, advice, opinion, opinions, action, actions, christian, christians, christianity, sermon, sermons, oration, orations, listen, listens, teaching, teachings, lesson, lessons, question, questions, ask, asks, asking, stressed out, hands up, life advice
"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."
Tags:physics, physicist, physicists, pope, christianity, christians, religion, religious leader, leaders, conspire, conspiring, co conspirators, co-conspirators, joke, joking, jokester, jokesters, mess around, messing around, prank, pranking, prankster, pranksters, science, scientist, scientists, bar, bar talk, pub, pub talk, having a laugh, have a laugh, co-pope, idea, ideas, freak, freak out, scare, scaring, quitting, giving up, quit
"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."
Looking for Some Pope Francis Love.
Tags:pope francis, francis i, pope francis i, beggar, beggars, begging, street person, street people, vagrant, vagrants, vagrancy, sleeping rough, homeless, homelessness, living rough, poverty, social problem, social problems, catholic church, roman catholic, spiritual leader, religious leader, religious leaders, spiritual leaders
"I'm between congregations."
Tags:conman, conmen, con man, con men, con-man, con-men, con, cons, scam, scams, scam artist, scam artists, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, evangelical, evangelicals, congregation, congregations, follower, followers, spiritual leader, spiritual leaders, religious leader, religious leaders, prisoner, prisoners, prison, prisons, jail, jails, crimes, criminal, criminals
"Let's start meditation class by emptying our minds and clearing our heads."
Tags:meditate, meditates, meditation, meditations, meditating, meditated, guru, gurus, spiritual leader, spiritual leaders, religious leader, religious leaders, pumpkin, pumpkins, jack o lantern, jack-o-lantern, jack o' lantern, jack o' lanterns, jack-o-lanterns, jack o lanterns, relaxation technique, relaxation techniques, empty headed, empty head, yoga, instructor, instructors, instruction, instructions
"My Name is I AM, and I approve of this message."
Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.
Tags:priest, priests, priesthood, preacher, preachers, clergy, catholic, catholicism, catholics, methodist, methodists, methodism, presbyterianism, presbyterian, presbyterians, anglican, anglicans, anglicanism, lutheran, lutherans, lutheranism, clergymen, clergyman, communion, the eucharist, confession, confessions, confessional, guilt, guilty, glutton, gluttony, confess, weight, overweight, weight issues, loosing weight, diet, dieting, diets, overeating, overeater, binge eating, bishop, bishops, episcopal, episcopalian, religion, religions, religious leaders, religious leader, lent
Jesus' First and last day as a trucker...
'Of course Jesus was gay, which other religious leader had his own range of jewellery?'
"How would you like to become Pope?"