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'I call it 'Research Paper Lite.' It contains a third fewer facts, but you'd never know it.'
Center for the study of phenomena that have scientists scratching their heads.
Struggling Scientist, Please cite my papers.
"We just need to change a couple of things before we can consider publishing it...What you've said and how you said it..."
"Thank you for submitting the enclosed research paper. Unfortunately, it did not pass our laugh test."
Professor Wiles grows insufferable.
"To summarize: the visual joke brings on a very fast reaction, but the verbal joke is remembered longer."
"I see you're still fishing for that key piece of data."
'This experiment is to discover how mice adjust to living in cages.'
this is excellent work, Charles, showing the deleterious health effects of stress. But I'm still not giving you extra vacation time.
"I'm afraid we can't accept your grant proposal. You can't predict the way water flows from a faucet!"
"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."
'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'
'A PhD in baton passing goes to...'
'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'
"How do you do endnotes for stuff you just know."
Scientific Method Acting