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Food inspection results
'He's from environmental health, he says he can sample anything he likes.'
Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.
'The Environment Health Officer thinks a SAFER menu would be 'Beans on Toast', 'Beans without Toast', 'Toast with Beans' and plain beans...'
'Would you like to add a dollar to your bill by donating to the food poisoning lawsuit fund?'
"Why buy irradiated food? It'll all get re-contaminated back here anyway."
"It was a revelation. What I thought was salmonella was really E.coli, and what I though was E.coli was really salmonella."
"According to its DNA, your meatloaf is from an unknown species."
Bacteria in junk food
"Just act natural.'
'Ok. Have your maple sugar on a stick, but watch me call the exterminator!'
'Nutrition is very big these days. If anyone asks, tell them that nutrition is your prime concern.'
'We understand your kitchen is crawling with vermin.'
"A clean glass will cost a little extra."
A rabbit pokes his head out of a guys meal - 'Oh waiter... there's a hare in my meal!'
'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'