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"I'm with the health department. We're getting reports that someone in your kitchen keeps putting their thumb in the Christmas pies."
'The Environment Health Officer thinks a SAFER menu would be 'Beans on Toast', 'Beans without Toast', 'Toast with Beans' and plain beans...'
'He's from environmental health, he says he can sample anything he likes.'
Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.
'I'm starved. Instead of a fly in my soup, make it a mouse.'
"Why buy irradiated food? It'll all get re-contaminated back here anyway."
"It was a revelation. What I thought was salmonella was really E.coli, and what I though was E.coli was really salmonella."
"I never saw such overweight mice before."
"According to its DNA, your meatloaf is from an unknown species."
"...and how overweight were those mice?"
"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."
Bacteria in junk food
"Just act natural.'
"If you can't see it on my apron, we don't have it."
'You're my best dishwasher, but the Health Department has some silly rule about using soap & water instead of your tongue.'
Hygiene in food processing
'Ok. Have your maple sugar on a stick, but watch me call the exterminator!'
"Trust me sir. I wouldn't ask to see the chef if I were you, he'll only put you off your food."
'It's not gravy - the French fries fell on the floor.'
"Would sir care to study the menu?"
'Nutrition is very big these days. If anyone asks, tell them that nutrition is your prime concern.'
"Would you please pick up the wrapping paper? We set great store by cleanliness."
'Excuse me, but this spoon isn't greasy.'
"A clean glass will cost a little extra."