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'The test results are in. The tightness in your chest and numbness in your extremities are caused by the biking outfit you're wearing.'
"Good news—those lumps were just coal."
Tags:winter, wintertime, snow, snowman, snowmen, weather, season, seasons, seasonal, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, lump, lumps, result, results, diagnosis, diagnoses, coal, charcoal, good news, healthy
'News from the battlefield, sire. Our army was declared victorious. However, the Huns have challenged that rulling and it is currently under review...'
'Good news and bad news, Kevin. You tested negative for steroids, but positive for estrogen.'
Tags:drug test, drugs test, drug tests, drug tests, steroid, steroids, estrogen, oestrogen, hormone, hormones, result, results, negative, negatives, positive, positives, good news, bad news, baseball, base ball, performance enhancing, female hormone, female hormones, improvement, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"I don't like the look of these. I better send them up to legal."
After taking daily supplements of Smarties, Glenn discovers that they actually do increase one's IQ.
Researchers at the National Nutrition Institute study whether or not food really does go directly to our thighs.
"Well, I do have this recurring dream that one day I might see some results."
Tags:therapy, therapist, therapists, shrink, shrinks, psychology, psychologist, psychologists, psychiatry, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, counselor, counselors, counseling, counsellor, counsellors, counselling, patient, patients, mental health, dream, dreams, dreaming, recurring dream, recurring dreams, result, results, cure, cures, treatment, treatments, medical, medicine, health
'I'd do better if she'd ask questions more closely matching my answers.'
'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'
If you READ the guidelines you'd see that all you they ACTUALLY recommend is a pair of rubber gloves!
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
"I got my DNA analysis back. Guess what - I'm a Hapsburg."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, science, biology, genetics, gene, genes, dna, d.n.a., dna testing, genetic testing, analysis, result, results, history, historical, ancestor, ancestors, ancestry, family tree, genealogy, genealogist, genealogists, family history, lineage, hapsburg, hapsburgs, family, families, royal, royalty, regal, crown, crowns
Hospital chart 'GTACT...'
"While we haven't actually achieved these results yet the existence of this chart demonstrates our preparation."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office life, meeting, meetings, board meeting board meetings, board member, board members, presentation, presenter, presenters, report, reports, chart, charts, graph, graphs, profit, profits, result, results, preparation, prepared, wishful thinking, looking ahead, optimism, optimistic, optimist, optimists, positive thinking, unrealistic, fantasy, finances
'Don't be discouraged. Do it over. Monitor the results for three months. Then, to be sure, do it again for another three months. Record your findings. Write your paper.'
'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'
"The results of your MRI show that you're very claustrophobic.''
At a guess I'd say that the feedback was probably pretty good!
"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bloodwork, blood work, test, tests, testing, blood test, blood tests, blood testing, lab work, lab result, lab results, result, results, yucky, gross, icky, language
'Oh no. More lab results.'
'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'
'I admit I fabricated data, but I didn't falsify any, and I didn't plagiarize.'
'Ms. Green, I'm reviewing our school's latest standardized test scores. Please send in a grief counselor.'
"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, test, tests, testing, stress test, stress tests, bloodwork, blood work, sample, samples, blood, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, result, results, medical testing, medical test, medical tests, stressful, wait, waits, waiting, wait time, wait times, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence, call, calls, calling, modern life