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"You're fired. Pass it on."
'I.T tells me you've been playing fantasy football on your company computer. I'm afraid we have to let you go.' 'Just for that?' 'That, and stealing my best quarterback.'
"We've decided, Carmichael, to give you back to the community."
Tags:donate, donates, donating, donation, donations, give back, giving back, community donation, charity, charities, charitable donation, charitable donations, fire, fired, firing, firings, sacked, sacking, sackings, layoff, layoffs, laid off, lay off, lay offs, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, restructure, restructures, restructuring, bearer of bad news, bearers of bad news, messenger, messengers, breaking bad news, cushion the blow, cushioning the blow
Businessman Cut Down by Monthly Reports
"Ah, Mr. Conrad, you're right on time."
"It's simple enough, Langdon, but I'll explain again. To help pay off the debt that we incurred when we bought this company, we've sold some of you into slavery."
Tags:debt, debts, debtor, debtors, corporate mentality, corporate mentalities, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, pay off debt, pays off debt, paying off debt, explain, explains, explaining, taskmaster, taskmasters, executive, executives, boss, bosses, ethics, morality, immoral, immorality, unethical, underling, underlings, office drone, office drones, layoff, layoffs, firing, firings, sack, sacks, sacking, sackings, sacked
"Mr. Herman, you made me laugh and you made me cry, but you didn't make me money."
Tags:firing, firings, fired, sack, sacked, sacking, sackings, layoff, layoffs, laid off, lay off, lay offs, make money, making money, laugh, laughs, laughing, comedy, comedies, drama, dramas, duality, employee, employees, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, restructure, restructures, restructuring, bottom line
"Although I leave my current position reluctantly, I have no regrets, and look forward to the exciting new challenges ahead."
Tags:firing, firings, sacking, sackings, mutual consent, part ways, parts ways, parting ways, official statement, official statements, execution, executions, execution squad, execution squads, prepared statement, prepared statements, media statement, media statements, mutual consent, sacked, fired, out of work, coerced, coercion, coerced statement, coerced statements
"We like you, Hatcher, and we like your work, but we've been offered magic beans."
Tags:cow, cows, cattle, magic bean, magic beans, jack and the beanstalk, fairy tale, fairy tales, sell, sells, selling, profit, profits, profit motive, profit motives, fired, firing, firings, sack, sacked, sacking, sackings, layoff, layoffs, laid off, beanstalk, beanstalks, children's story, children's stories
"When times are tough we all have to make sacrifices...and you're ours."
'It appears we've accidentally laid off all the people who 'do' things.'
'We're going to have to let you go...we've found someone in china who's 45% better at being you for 24% less.'
"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."
"You too? You're fired."
"He's no longer here!"
Tags:last day, last days, fire, fired, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, lay-off, lay-offs, laid off, sacked, sacking, sackings, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, restructure, restructures, restructuring, secretary, secretaries, pack up, packs up, packing up, leave, leaves, leaving, final day, final days, job, jobs, worker, workers, bitter, bitterness, anger, angry, furious
"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"
'You've cost this company millions, so we have no choice but to get rid of you with a million dollar severance package.'
Now, let's remove the blindfold and have a look around your new work space: Bad news, delivered badly.
"We've got a lot of deadwood in this firm, Crawford. Let's give it back to the community."
Tags:give back, gives back, giving back, charitable donation, charitable donations, community, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, round of layoffs, sacking, sackings, sacked, dead wood, cut loose, cutting loose, corporate logic, greed, greedy, profit, profits, profit motive, profit motives, motivation, motivations, motivating, charity, charities, charitable donation, charitable donations, write-off, write-offs, writing off, written off, executive, executives, corporate mentality, corporate mentalities, management, manager, managers
'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'
'Sorry I fired you, Maggie. I got my husband's testosterone patches mixed up with my estrogen patches.'
'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'
In case of a fire, break glass.
"If you just follow Sadie, she'll show you the way out."
Tags:maze, mazes, office cubicle, office cubicles, office worker, office workers, fire, fires, fired, sack, sacks, sacked, sacking, firing, firings, sackings, map, maps, sense of direction, directions, guide, guides, office drone, office drones, rat, rats, lab rat, lab rats, lab mouse, lab mice, animal experiment, animal experiments, way out
'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'