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"You are now fully initiated into the super secret savers club - you will receive twenty percent back on all in-store purchases."
'I have money but it's not working for me because it's not invested.'
'I don't care if this security software was a bargain; it shouldn't reply with 'close enough' when I enter the wrong password.'
They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.
Tags:chip and pin, chip and pins, chip and pin machine, chip and pin machines, cashpoint, cashpoints, cash point, cash points, insult, insulting, rude, rudness, say it how it is, saying it how it is, poor, penniless, broke, in debt, debtor, debtors, bankrupt, bankruptcy, saving, savings, saver, savers, no savings, credit, credit cards, avaliable credit, atm, atms, bank, banks, automated teller machine, automated teller machines, cash machine, cash machines, recession, the recession, recessions, double di recession, banker, bankers, yo mammas gumbo, yo' mamma's gumbo
'You know, I always buy supermarket cava rather than fancy Champagne, and I challenge anyone to tell the difference.'
'I've taken the liberty of drawing a graph of your savings.'
I have money and I'm not happy!
'Oh, we are diversified; right now we've got our money in seven different mattresses.'
'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'
Department of efficiency and cost analysis.
'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'
"There's a plus side to the credit crunch...My 'lenders elbow' has cleared up!"
"Your portfolio is too conservative."
Coupon Funerals: 'Let us remember his life, not his expiration date. Dor we know our Saver will redeem him.'
"Paper or plastic?"
Tags:insensitive, insensitivity, saving money, saver, savers, stingy, stinginess, skinflint, skinflints, penny pincher, penny pinchers, cheapskate, cheapskates, cremation, cremations, optional extra, optional extras, cut corners, cutting corners, burial, burials, crematory service, crematory services, dark humour, black humour
'We've decided to become more thrifty and start a savings account, but we'd like to borrow against our credit cards in order to make the opening deposit.'
'May I have a moment of your time? I'd like to tell you about a plan my bank has for your IRA...'
"I think it would be wise to establish a legal-defense fund for my kids while they're still young."
Tags:white collar crime, white collar crimes, white collar criminal, white collar criminals, privilege, privileged, privileges, white privilege, college fund, college funds, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, saving, saver, lawsuit, lawsuits, legal defense, legal-defense, legal defence, legal-defence, legal defence fund, executive, executives, manager, managers, boss, bosses, business executive, business executives, business manager, business managers, growing up, planning ahead
"Keep up the good work, Bromley."
Tags:money, business, office, hierarchy, corporate hierarchy, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, corporate logic, earning, earnings, wealth gap, wealth gaps, wage gap, wage gaps, income gap, income gaps, rich, riches, horde, hordes, hording, saver, savers, savings, save up, saves up, corporation, corporations, big corporation, big corporations, mankoff
'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'
Tags:manager, managers, director, directors, chairman, helping collaborator, helping, help, rescuer, saver, lifebelt, rescuing, escape, saving, salvation, management consultant, management, consultant, consulting, corporate advisor, strategy consultant, comfortable chair, armchair, uncomfortable chair
The Mattress Savings Bank
Tags:bank, banks, saver, savers, saving, saving money, big saver, big savers, life savings, under the mattress, hiding money, hidden money, banker, bankers, investor, investors, investing, company name, company names, tax avoidance, tax evasion, tax dodging, tax avoider, tax avoiders, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax evader, tax evaders, offshore account, offshore accounts, offshore bank account, offshore bank accounts, offshore banking
'Of course I'm squirreling away money!'