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"You are now fully initiated into the super secret savers club - you will receive twenty percent back on all in-store purchases."
'I have money but it's not working for me because it's not invested.'
Tags:chip and pin, chip and pins, chip and pin machine, chip and pin machines, cashpoint, cashpoints, cash point, cash points, insult, insulting, rude, rudness, say it how it is, saying it how it is, poor, penniless, broke, in debt, debtor, debtors, bankrupt, bankruptcy, saving, savings, saver, savers, no savings, credit, credit cards, avaliable credit, atm, atms, bank, banks, automated teller machine, automated teller machines, cash machine, cash machines, recession, the recession, recessions, double di recession, banker, bankers, yo mammas gumbo, yo' mamma's gumbo
They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.
'I've taken the liberty of drawing a graph of your savings.'
'You know, I always buy supermarket cava rather than fancy Champagne, and I challenge anyone to tell the difference.'
I have money and I'm not happy!
'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'
Department of efficiency and cost analysis.
'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'
"There's a plus side to the credit crunch...My 'lenders elbow' has cleared up!"
"Your portfolio is too conservative."
Coupon Funerals: 'Let us remember his life, not his expiration date. Dor we know our Saver will redeem him.'
"Paper or plastic?"
Tags:insensitive, insensitivity, saving money, saver, savers, stingy, stinginess, skinflint, skinflints, penny pincher, penny pinchers, cheapskate, cheapskates, cremation, cremations, optional extra, optional extras, cut corners, cutting corners, burial, burials, crematory service, crematory services, dark humour, black humour
'May I have a moment of your time? I'd like to tell you about a plan my bank has for your IRA...'
"Keep up the good work, Bromley."
Tags:money, business, office, hierarchy, corporate hierarchy, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, corporate logic, earning, earnings, wealth gap, wealth gaps, wage gap, wage gaps, income gap, income gaps, rich, riches, horde, hordes, hording, saver, savers, savings, save up, saves up, corporation, corporations, big corporation, big corporations, mankoff
'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'
The Mattress Savings Bank
Tags:bank, banks, saver, savers, saving, saving money, big saver, big savers, life savings, under the mattress, hiding money, hidden money, banker, bankers, investor, investors, investing, company name, company names, tax avoidance, tax evasion, tax dodging, tax avoider, tax avoiders, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax evader, tax evaders, offshore account, offshore accounts, offshore bank account, offshore bank accounts, offshore banking
'Of course I'm squirreling away money!'
'We learned a great Bible verse in Sunday school today. Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth.'
'It's all very well not trusting the banks, but I'm getting a nose bleed.'
'Sure, you talked him down three dollars, but then you let him sell you an extended warranty.'
Tags:talked down, saving money, save money, saving, save, saves, saved, saver, savers, extended warranty, warranty, upsell, sell, selling, seller, sellers, sale, sales, sold, haggle, haggling, haller, hagglers, haggled, haggles, bought, buy, buying, buys, shopper, shoppers, salesman, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'I'd like to make a deposit.'
'Doris! did you order Bion Energy's super saver fixed rate deal?'