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"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."
New Scotland Metre.
"Oh, it's just another Member of Parliament."
'LATEST HEADLINES: Police probe into Jimmy Savile.'
Man walking past a policeman. He noticed pig hooves coming out the bottom of the policeman's pants.
'We going to move to a smaller base.'
'The butler's friend did it.'
'Okay, Sergeant, Scotland Yard'll handle this now - where exactly was the body found?'
'Pardon me, my sinister uncle, but I'm afraid the closest you'll get to my inheritance is Scotland Yard.'
'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'
"If we're caught, I wonder which TV police documentary we'll be on...?"
The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...