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"Honey, I lost 206 pounds overnight!"
Hunter looking at a deer wearing a sign saying "N.R.A. Member".
"It's really none of my business, Montresor, but are you sure you're going about this in the right way?"
'I just get really depressed and it eases it somehow.'
"He's paranoid someone will steal his identity..."
"It's that new troubleshooter you hired, sir -- He got himself in the foot."
Painful cuts essential
"A clear case of suicide...."
'Before we start the meeting would anyone like a salmonella sandwich?'
'Okay I think you've had enough!'
'Press one for the history of the late 18th century dining room.' - 'Press two for the story of the exquisite silver candelabras.' - 'Press three if you're so bored right now you want to self harm.' - 'Three.'
The punishment of a 'SELF MILKER'!
"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."
"And the winner of the second clapper board electrician's assistant is..."