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"And now I will move myself to tears reading to you from my own short stories."
"I want something that will make me smell thinner."
"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."
"I can't believe my first published short story is about me."
Ageing hippy requires hand mirror for navel gazing.
'We've got a treat for you. We've put all our home movies on DVD.'
'Bow ties are a bit like honesty, Stogg. Self-indulgent, and therefore best left at home when banking.'
'Hi, honey, should I cancel our date?'