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'It was an early-retirement offer I couldn't turn down. They threw a pile of money my way, asked me to disappear in a puff of smoke, and before they could change their minds, I was gone!'
"Special assignment, Chaswick. I need you to test our severance package."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, office, office, office life, manager, manager, management, executive, executives, employee, employees, worker, workers, job, work, fire, firing, fired, test, tests, testing, special assignment, special assignments, assignment, assignments, task, tasks, special task, special tasks, unemployment, unemployed, severance, severance package, severance packages, severance pay, redundancy, redundancy package, redundancy packages, redundancy pay, human resources, hr, h.r.
'You've cost this company millions, so we have no choice but to get rid of you with a million dollar severance package.'
Golden Parachutes for Middle Managers
Tags:retirement, retirement package, retirement packages, downsize, downsize, golden parachute, golden parachutes, middle manager, middle managers, middle management, severance pay, severance package, redundancy package, severance packages, redundancy pay, downsizing, job, employment, parachute, manager, 401k, severance, pay
'The salary is not that great - the real money is when they let you go.'
"Let's suppose I don't like the job after a week or so. How much severance pay can I count on?"
'I thought you were ousted as CEO.' 'I was. But with my golden parachute I bought the company. I'm Baaack!'
"See, it's right here in the pre-nup. If you walk out, I get two weeks' severance sex."
"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."
'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...
'You wouldn't know to look at me now, but I was around in the days of 'Obscene Compensation'.'
"All the beer I can drink in a year? That's the buyout?"
Tags:brewery, breweries, buyout, buyouts, brewing, beer, beers, ale, ales, craft beer, craft beers, real ale, real ales, lager, lagers, buying out, buy-out, buy-outs, buy out, buy outs, corporate takeover, corporate takeovers, offer, offer, management buyout, management buyouts, severance, severance pay, golden parachute, golden parachutes, golden handshake, golden handshakes
"Care to donate to your severance pay?"
'My severance package was an insult. It's not about the small amount of money. It's about how little I can buy with the money.'
'I was hoping for a different kind of severance package.'
'Nobody wants to hear the 'Outta Work With The Eight Million Dollar Severance Package Blues'.'
"You get a bonus too. It's called severance pay."
"I don't want severance pay but I'm growing tired of sufferance pay."
"We've downgraded the Golden Parachute."
'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'
'At least they offered us a severance gift card.'
'They made a mistake when firing you, but corrected it with a stop-payment on your severance pay check.'
My severance package was an insult. It's not about the money, it's about how little I can buy with the money.
'You ask for change not a severance package.'
That's the severance package, a book on Clipping Coupons to Make Ends Meet?