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'I'm worried that I might have an S.T.D.. . . I know. . . but I've had sex will all sorts.'
"I'm looking for a card that says 'Sorry about the herpes.'"
'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'
'I know you're having a virtual affair - the computer's got a sexually transmitted virus'
"You have to contact everyone you've slept with and tell them they may have fleas."
"Watch yourself, dude. I hear she has salmonella."
"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."
'Just between you and me, do you really cause warts?'
"Listen. If we're going to be doing any serious pawing around, I want you to start wearing a flea collar."
"I suppose it was very sweet and old-fashioned of him, but, still, it was syphilis."
"I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought you should know I have termites."
'Do you scan them for viruses?'
Zika sexually transmitted
"When I go traveling, what can I take to prevent aids?"
"Oh no! The kids have been making condoms again."
"It's VD-Day. Shall we engage in the traditional exchange of venereal disease?"
Uptight Medical Clinic: We treat the whole person, except sexual stuff.
'Be careful what you wish for! I once wished for whiskey and women and guess what I got - Hepatic cirrhosis and syphilis!'
"C'mon, baby. No. You know it's not as good when I wear it."
"I feel bad enough that I can't afford First Class, without them listing Standard as STD on my ticket."
"I must have gotten it from the internet."
"Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'."
"You've got Hepatitis Bee."