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(Comedy and Tragedy on Wall St.)
Tags:wall street, wall st, comedy and tragedy, stock market, the stock market, stock market trader, stock market traders, stocks and shares, investor, investors, investing, theater, performing, performer, performers, greek theatre, greek theaters, sock and buskin, share price, share prices, good investment, good investments, bad investment, bad investments
"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."
'As long as he continues to come up with brilliant investment strategies we leave him alone...'
'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'
We won't have to face any angry stockholders. We're running our annual stockholders meeting as an online webcast.
"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."
'...the new investing regulations...'
'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'
'The market moved higher today on rumors that the market would move higher today.'
'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'
'What's gold doing now'
'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'
'Don't know where to invest what's left of your portfolio. I'd flip a coin, but the way it's going, I'd lose the coin.'
'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'
'Hey, great! I can't wait to see how my Enron, AIG and GM stocks are doing.'
'The good news, Sir, is that Harris was able to sell off our losing stock. The bad news is that Simpson here, bought them from Harris.'
'The cornerstone of our investment strategy, Mrs Preston, has always been buy now, panic later.'
'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'
Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'
"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."
Tags:invest, invests, investor, investors, investing, stock, stocks, shares, stocks and shares, stock market, stock markets, share price, share prices, investment, investments, financial advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, recession, recessions, hedge fund, hedge funds, expert, experts, expertise
'Say, aren't you my old financial advisor?'
'You're confused? We like that in a sucker...er...I mean, investor.'
Investments Cock-Eyed Optimists.
'Stocks dropped on news that the only certainty in life is 'uncertainty'.'