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'Our defibrillator paddles are broken! Stick his hands in this toaster!'
"Je peux garder mes chaussettes?"
Tags:hell, welcome, welcoming, welcome to hell, gate, gates, entrance, entrances, opening, guard, guards, sock, socks, keep, keeps, keeping, allow, allowed, rule, rules, belonging, belongings, unexpected, surprise, surprising, surprises, happy, content, shock, shocks, shocking, afterlife, french cartoon, french cartoons, french
"I was trying to send a text message, but I think I bombed a terrorist camp with a remote control drone."
Tags:phone, phones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, mobile phone, mobile phones, text, texts, texting, bomb, bombed, bombing, accident, accidents, technophobe, technophobes, drone, drones, text message, text messages, confused, confusing, try, tried, trying, shock, shocked, shocking, remote control drone, remote control drones, old, old age, retiree, new technology, device, devices
Scaring the hunter.
Tags:hunt, hunts, hunting, hunter, hunters, hunted, scare, scares, scaring, scared, startle, startles, startled, startling, bird, bird, duck, ducks, balloon, balloons, pop, pops, popping, popped, pi, pins, bang, bangs, banging, banged, shock, shocks, shocking, shocked, surprise, surprises, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'We don't have to anesthetize patients anymore. I just walk in with this and they pass out in a second.'
Tags:athlete, athletes, athletics, pole vault, pole vaults, pole vaulting, pole vaulted, pole vaulter, pole vaulters, mattress, mattresses, fall, falls, falling, fell, hard landing, hard landings, health and safety, shock, shocks, shocking, shocked, jump, jumps, jumping, jumped, jumper, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'It's a good thing that you've got rubber-soled shoes on. That could have gone all the way through you.'
Having never read the back of one of his products, Paul is horrified to discover how much he is giving away.
Tags:goldfish, fish, pet fish, aquarium, aquariums, goldfish bowl, short term memory, bad memory, no short term memory, forget, forgetting, trump, donald trump, president donald trump, president trump, trump administration, maga, make america great again, election, elections, election slogan, election slogans, shocking, shocking news
"We could argue forever about whether or not that was justified.
Tags:justifiable homicide, justifiable homicides, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, argue, argues, arguing, argument, arguments, shock, shocks, shocking, horrified, horrific, kill, kills, killing, underling, underlings, ceo, ceos, executive, executives, entitled, entitlement, shooting, shootings, shooter, shooters, debate, debates, debating, meeting, meetings, above the law
"Don't worry Phil, we're just moving you down to four."
God being dismayed at the state of the world.
"Confound it, staff knows this door's to be kept locked!"
Tags:dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, hunting, hunter, hunters, high society, rich, the rich, rich people, rich man, big game hunting, big game, big game hunter, trophy, trophies, trophy hunting, human, human head, gory, fear, horror, classic horror, shock, shocking, strange, surreal, imagery, wall, walls, mansion, mansions, haunted, haunted house, halloween
Thanks to the amazing new Zap-a-Slacker, parents are able to send a mild electrical current to their daydreamy Little Leaguers.
"Since when do you wear animals?"
Batman tissue dispenser.
Tags:bat, bats, superhero, superheroes, comic, comics, comic books, comic book, hero, heroes, tissue, tissues, dispenser, dispensers, tissue dispenser, tissue dispensers, shock, shocked, shocking, shocks, shell-shock, shell-shocked, surprised, surprises, surprise, fan, fans, admirer, admirers, admired, bathroom, bathrooms, sink, sinks, toilet, toilets
"It's my new Taser app, Dave. What do you think?"
Tags:app, apps, applications, smartphone application, smartphone app, mobile application, mobile app, stun, stunner, stunned, stun gun, electrocute, electrocuted, electric shock, shock, shocked, shocking, pain, painful, colleague, colleagues, coworker, coworkers, accident, accidents, surprise, surprised, software developer, software developers, software development
"And if we start televising the executions we can also market a hilarious bloopers tape."
Tags:marketing, marketing, brand, brands, branding, public relations, idea, ideas, profit, profits, amoral, immoral, shock, shocking, consumerism, mass media, media coverage, internet culture, sale, sales, dignity, capitalism, money making, salesmen, salesman, gross, board, boardroom, meeting, meetings, execute, executed, executioner, executioners, capital punishment, jail, jailed, criminal, death row, dead, dying, die, died, death, cop, cops, officer, officers, police officer, police officers, capital punishment, death penalty
'Shocked? You should be! After all those years of toil and loyal sacrifice, that's your net worth! Wake up, Fido! On Lesson Three, we'll offer tips on planning your financial future!'
'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'
Tags:hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, medical bill, medical bills, bill, bills, fee, fees, charge, charged, charges, charging, cost, costs, medical fee, medical fees, shock, shocked, shocking, shocker, shockers, cartoon, comic, comical, eyes pop out, eyes popping out, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'Hey Todd, look - those people down there look just like... well... us!'
Tags:ant, ants, insect, insects, bug, bugs, height, heights, skyscraper, skyscrapers, sky scraper, sky scrapers, observe, observes, observing, observed, observation, observations, tiny, minute, small, minuscule, microscopic, shock, shocks, shocking, surprise, surprised, surprising, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"The strings are catgut."
Tags:cat, cats, catgut, kitty, kitties, kitten, kittens, domestic, domestic cat, pet, pets, music, musical, violin, violinist, violin lessons, lesson, lessons, music lesson, instrument, musical instruments, musical instrument, violins, viola, violas, music teacher, teacher, teaching, class, classes, study, studied, shock, shocked, shocks, shocking, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprises
'When you said you were wearing designer jeans, I didn't know they were designed by Goodyear.'
Tags:goodyear, tyre, tyres, tire, tires, jeans, trousers, design, designs, designed, designer, designers, label, labels, shock, shocks, shocking, shocked, wear, wears, wearing, wearer, wearers, wore, worn, surprise, surprises, surprised, surprising, fashion sense, dress sense, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"Have you ever been young before?"
Tags:cosmetic, cosmetics, surgery, surgeries, cosmetic surgery, old woman, old, retire, retired, retiree, retirees, young, youthful, fake, rude, receptionist, receptionists, shock, shocked, shocking, wrinkly, wrinkled, correction, corrections, plastic surgery, plastic surgeries, improve, improves, improvements