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Stan Mack's Real Life funnies: Asparagus Beach, Amagansett, NY
'Got to rush... It's my sell-by date!'
"You're healthy enough for sexual activity but not attractive enough."
'Actually, that means English as a second language...the elephant singles bar is across the street!'
"I swear, the only decent men around here are either married...or gay...or they're one of my ex-husbands!"
"No long-playing records allowed."
"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"
Desperate Easter Chicks
'By the way, the 'Hope Credit' is a $1,500 credit for families sending a child to college, not for single people trying to flee from their ruts.'
"It's getting harder and harder to find a man with a head on his shoulders."
'How are you on toilet seats?'
'What do you think of this idea?'
"Let's face it, Shirley...All the good ones are either gay or neutered."
'I'll check, but I'm pretty sure we don't have anybody quite that desperate right now.'
'Got any women repellent?'
'It's not that I hate ALL men. Just the lowlifes I'm instinctively attracted to.'
Of course he loves me...he wants me to be the grandmother of his children.
"But after Monica, I began to wonder... Maybe I've been looking for rejection in all the wrong places!"
Help Romeo Find a Wife!