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"Don't listen to him. Your hair is beautiful."
'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.
'You don't repeat gossip, do you?' - 'No, she starts it.'
'If you two can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!'
'How can you sue them for defamation of character, if you don't have any?'
"Most of that report is just lies, Mr. President. Although, technically you are a member of the weasel family."
"These are the most malicious statements of truth ever said about me."
"My weasel of an opponent is running a negative campaign, but unlike that dirtbag, I'm taking the high road."
"Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to the charge of slander by reason of Tourette syndrome."
'I want to sue that guy for slander. He called me 'Responsible' and 'Ethical'!'
"That is an outrageous slur."
'Beneath that brusque, mean, arrogant exterior beats a heart of brusqueness, meanness and arrogance.'
Barrister asks King: 'Did you, or did you not, refer to my client as a dirty rascal?'
'...and now for the news. The names have been changed to protect us from lawsuits.'
'We're doing a survey to see if people think the cartoons in Private Eye are funny, very funny or just plain libelous.'
"If you have nothing good to say about someone. Come for tea and tell me all about them."