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'All these delays...a thousandth of a second here, a millionth of a second there. We'll have to get the darn thing fixed.'
'And he thinks I'm slow!'
"It finally finished the update! But it started the update in 2004!"
"Our system isn't fast enough to need a mouse!"
"They keep tabs open, they never reboot me, and they never delete my temporary files. Yet, they curse at e when I'm running slow. How is this fair?"
"You have 2,974 tabs open. I suggest closing about 2,970 of them. That may speed up your computer."