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'I've found that snail mail, along with poor penmanship, is the best formula for secure mail.'
'New stamps commemorating mollusks? It's bad enough we're called snail mail, must we advertise it?'
"Before I was reincarnated I was a mailman!"
'Yes, we can send your child's grades home via email, or fail-mail, whichever is appropriate.'
"Your payment? . . . I'm just sending it to you by special courier!"
"Huh! I always thought it was just an expression!"
"The snail-mail of our species is deadlier than the e-mail."
"What's up? Never heard of e-snail before?"