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The Twelve Speech Writers
"David writes all his own speeches."
"I don't actually write his speeches - I just nuance them."
"The main body of this Inaugural Address is great, but he wants a happier ending."
"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"
'The people have spoken. Now go write a speech that convinces them I said it first.'
'Sorry about the war and the economy and everything, folks -- I was misled by my speechwriters.'
"I'm writing your speech. What do your constituents want to hear?"
"I need to put more fire into my speech."
"To finish, I would like plagiarize something quotable."