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"Let's change 'brink of chaos' to 'Everything is wonderful.'"
"Half empty because of congressional inaction, and half full because of the tireless efforts of the President."
"My fellow Americans, we are one nation, a strong nation, a nation united by the common belief that Congress is garbage."
"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."
"Take your positions everybody. He's escaped his handlers and is wrecking havoc. This could be a bad one."
"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"