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'Are we watching business news or sports news?'
'Responding to viewer sentiment, we have eliminated world news and expanded our entertainment and sports news.'
'The difference between the stockmarket and the horses is that at least one horse always wins.'
Sports headlines: Coach Kills Clock In Final Minutes.
'And that's the latest on today's coaching changes.'
'Here are today's scores, drug test and bigotry scandal results...'
'...Meanwhile, in the Catholic division, Divine Mercy throttled Eternal Peace, while Good Shepherd was mercilessly pummeled by St. Francis.'
'Are we listening to the sports news or business news?'
'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'
'I see Arsenal has just paid £10m. . . Three spectators from Rangers.'
Sports update: Some teams won and some teams lost.
'I admit to taking steroids to enhance my endorsements.
Town Crier gives the Sporting News.
Your portfolio is down 40...but if it's any consolation you look like you can use a big hug!
'So, if you don't want to know the final two nil score, look away from your screen now.'
'... And now, the sports gossip.'