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'I think he needs to work a little more on giving feedback.'
'It appears that you're just not a team player...'
'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'
'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'
'Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53, 972.'
'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'
'We would like to see you put a little more worry into your work.'
'Would I be safe in assuming we've reached the end of my performance evaluation?'
'You had a good idea in our staff meeting yesterday. So, the church sent someone over to witness the miracle.'
'Your drug test results show you aren't taking any performance enhancing drugs. Your performance review results shows that maybe you should.'
'Here, here and here the copier was jammed...'
'I've cleared my desk to focus on you.'
'You need improvement. I've heard good things about you.'
'Nederly doesn't even pretend to work here anymore.'
'How long have you been working here?' - 'Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.'
'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'
...and this was that really cute kitty cat video on YouTube.
'I hope you don't mind constructive criticism... you're fired.'
Boss about employee: 'He has a spark of genius, but he also has ignition problems.'
A system of appraisal gives staff an opportunity to discuss their work objectives...
Boss: 'Yes, I did say you had potential - the problem is you don't seem to have quite as much of it as I originally thought you did!'
The grim sweeper shows just how clean a new broom could sweep.
'First, we'll do a job performance preview.'