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"I'm well aware that being dead and buried has weakened my position in the corporation."
Tags:dead, status, status update, status updates, coffin, coffins, funeral, funerals, corporation, corporations, corporate mentality, corporate mentalities, weakened position, weakened positions, demotion, demote, demotes, demoted, demotions, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, executive, executives, dark humor, dark humour
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Kruthers on the toilet."
Tags:oversharing, overshare, status update, toilet, toilets, bathroom, bathrooms, restrooms, restroom, loo, news, news channel, news channels, news stations, news station, tv, television, televisions, world news, social media, useless information, news anchor, news anchors, toilet humour, toilet humor, nobody, every day person, social media friend, social media friends, everyday events, everyday event, uninterested, social media oversharing, shared, share, sharing
'Twittering about the fact that you're twittering,seems to be a waste of time.'
"I haven't changed my facebook status."
"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."
Tags:parenting, modern life, children, father, fathers, dad, dads, parent, parents, parenting, formal, formal record, fromal records, update, updates, businessman, businessmen, son, sons, status update, status updates, updating, childhood, child, kid, kids, business report, business reports, mankoff
'Sorry - I'd love to come out, but I'm busy updating my Facebook status.'
Tags:wedding, weddings, bride, brides, bridegroom, bridegrooms, groom, grooms, selfie, selfies, self portrait, self portraits, narcissism, narcissist, narcissists, narcissistic, wedding photo, wedding photos, wedding photograph, wedding photographs, modern life, modern-life, selfie culture, wedding photographer, wedding photographers, memories, post, posts, social media, profile, profiles, status update, status updates
Tags:marriage, weddings, wedding day, wedding days, statuses, social network, social networks, social networking, marital status, married, marry, wedding, preacher, priest, vow, vows, status, status update, update, internet, vicar, vicars, minister, bride, brides, groom, grooms, profile, profiles, online profile, online profiles, updates, updating, mobile, mobiles, mobile phone, mobile phones, modern life, modern times, millennial, millennials
"Would you agree to change our Facebook status to married?"
"It's our downstairs neighbors. Check and see if they tweeted anything about coming up to see us."
Tags:neighbor, neighbors, neighbour, neighbours, neighborhood, neighbourhood, neighborhoods, neighbourhoods, apartment, apartments, apartment building, apartment buildings, flat, flats, renting, renter, renters, social media, status update, husband, husbands, wife, wives, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, spouses, spouse, marriage, married
"The food tastes like cardboard, it's way too noisy in here....and when can I see a real doctor!!??"
He had such faith in social networking.
'Barbara, have you stopped following my tweets?'
"I'm just posting something to my wall."
Dog to bird: 'Oh, alright - I'll stop stalking you! But, do you mind if I follow you on Twitter?'
'How am I going to change my Facebook status now..?'
Follow Me on Twitter statue.
'Just a sec, mom, I have to update my stratus.'
Life can be very short...status updates should therefore be very quick!!!
"OMG! I just got born!"
Tags:newborn, newborns, nursery, nurseries, modern life, modern times, social media, social media update, social media updates, text, texts, texting, smartphone, smartphones, smart phone, smart phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, phone, phones, addict, addicts, addiction, addictions, maternity ward, maternity wards, nurse, screen time, parent, parents, parenting, generation z, status update, status updates, birth, birthday, birthdays, textspeak, abbreviation, abbreviations, special occasion, special occasions, baby, babies, infant, infants, omg
Lady on Desert Island updating her Facebook status.
Before Facebook: Tonight I'm having pork chops
Tags:ridiculous, absurd, obnoxious, annoying, strange, abnormal, social media, oversharing, overshare, overshared, pointless, disinterested, uninterested, announcement, announcements, status update, status, updates, pictures, post, scroll past, websites, website, app, application, applications, smartphone, smartphones, internet, web, computer, computers, laptop, laptops, tablet, tablets, technology
Follow me on Twitter...
"I'm just updating my Facebook status to 'about to be huffed and puffed' with a sad face at the end."