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'I'm worried that I might have an S.T.D.. . . I know. . . but I've had sex will all sorts.'
"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."
"I said, was it Manet or Monet who had syphilis?"
Tags:syphilis, std, stds, sexual transmitted disease, sexually transmitted diseases, monet, claude monet, oscar-claude monet, Édouard manet, art history, art historian, art historians, art gallery, art galleries, art exhibit, art exhibits, art exhibitions, faux pas, embarrassing, embarrassment, embarrassments, hearing problem, hearing problems, deaf, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, oaps, old age, pensioner, pensioners
'You've got it. Don't flaunt it. You'll spread it.'
"I'm looking for a card that says 'Sorry about the herpes.'"
Tags:herpes, std, stds, sti, stis, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted diseases, card, cards, greeting card, greeting cards, sympathy, sympathy card, sympathy cards, personal, personal information, personal info, impersonal, insensitive, insensitivity, rude, rudeness, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses
'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'
'I know you're having a virtual affair - the computer's got a sexually transmitted virus'
"You have to contact everyone you've slept with and tell them they may have fleas."
Tags:pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog owner, dog owners, dog, dogs, pup, pups, puppy, puppies, animal, animals, flea, fleas, std, sti, sexually transmitted infection, sexually transmitted infections, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted diseases, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, doctor, doctors
"Trust me, if they were her peas, you'd know it!"
"Whatta ya mean? 'The Swing Time Demons' is a great name for a band..."
"Watch yourself, dude. I hear she has salmonella."
Tags:date, dating, meeting women, pulling, pulling women, picking up, chicks, bar scene, single, singles, bar, bars, chicken, chickens, rooster, roosters, cook, cooks, cooking, salmonella, v.d., s.t.d., vd, std, sti, s.t.i., venereal disease, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted infection, slut shaming, slut-shaming
'Just between you and me, do you really cause warts?'
"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, dog, dogs, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, talking dog, talking dogs, std, sexually transmitted disease, sti, sexuall transmitted infection, flea, fleas, honesty, truth
"Listen. If we're going to be doing any serious pawing around, I want you to start wearing a flea collar."
'I'm warning you guys -- I've got herpes!'
The good news is you won't have to worry about global warming if you don't worry about HIV.
"I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought you should know I have termites."
Tags:date, dates, dating, std, stds, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted diseases, girlfriend, girlfriends, ex, exes, ex-girlfriend, ex-girlfriends, sti, stis, sexually transmitted infections, notify, notifies, notifying, former partner, former partners, puppet, puppets, contagious, test, tests, testing, tested, illness, illnesses, disease, diseases, termite, termites, wooden, wood
"I suppose it was very sweet and old-fashioned of him, but, still, it was syphilis."
Tags:std, stds, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted diseases, affair, affairs, love affair, love affairs, adulterer, adulterers, adultery, sexual health, infection, infections, old-fashioned, old fashioned, syphilis, treponema pallidum, unprotected sex, gossip, gossips, gossiper, gossipers, gossiping
"Well, your STD panel came back... turns out what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas."
Tags:std, stds, sti, stis, virus, viruses, infection, infections, disease, diseases, vd, clinic, clinics, clinical, test, tests, testing, vegas, las vegas, medical, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, diagnosis, checkup, physician, physicians, bacteria, bacterial, test, checkup, check-up, doctor, nurse, las vegas
'Do you scan them for viruses?'
"When I go traveling, what can I take to prevent aids?"
Tags:doctor, health, advice, disease, treatment, husband, wife, marriage, hiv, hiv/aids, std, sti, sexually transmitted disease, sexually transmitted infection, wife, relationship, relationships, safe sex, human immunodeficiency virus infection, acquired immune deficiency syndrome, abroad, holiday, doctor, doctor's office, family, marriage, relationship, travel plan, travel plans, nurse, antibiotics, antiretroviral medication, vaccine, vaccination
"Oh no! The kids have been making condoms again."
"It's VD-Day. Shall we engage in the traditional exchange of venereal disease?"
'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.