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"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."
"I'm looking for a card that says 'Sorry about the herpes.'"
"You have to contact everyone you've slept with and tell them they may have fleas."
"Trust me, if they were her peas, you'd know it!"
"Watch yourself, dude. I hear she has salmonella."
"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."
'Just between you and me, do you really cause warts?'
"I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought you should know I have termites."
"Well, your STD panel came back... turns out what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas."
"When I go traveling, what can I take to prevent aids?"
'I'll need a list of your diplomatic relations.'
"I think I should tell you, I once went viral."
"That bitch gave me fleas!"
"I brought protection."
Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."