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"Sometimes I live in the country. Sometimes I live in town. And sometimes I take a great notion to jump in the river and drown."
"Sometimes I feel like salting myself."
"Sssh! It's okay, dear. Whenever a door closes. There are always plenty of windows left to jump out of."
"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"
"Another one with suicidal thoughts! What are the odds?"