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'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'
'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'
'I've had to book my appointment two weeks in advance, so we'll both sit here until I feel unwell.'
'It's a postcard from your doctor. He says he'll be right with you.'
'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'
Thank you for suffering in silence.
'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'
'Your HMO isn't convinced that you need surgery. When I say 'action!' start writhing and moaning wildly.'
'He never starts surgery until he can play the game three times in a row without messing up.'
'OK, Mr. Nurtz. Time to get you prepped for surgery.'
'It's an organ rejection form letter!'
'Great news! We found a donor body!'
'You sure? I thought Mr. Travolta's appointment wasn't until Thursday.'
"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."
"First, we numb you by showing you today's headlines."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operating theatre, operating theatres, operating room, operating rooms, media, news, newspaper, newspapers, magazine, magazines, technology, online, fake news, laptop, laptops, tablet, tablets, smartphone, smartphones, headline, headlines, anaesthetized, anaesthetize, anesthetized, anesthetize, anaesthetised, anaesthetise, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists, painkiller, painkillers, numbing, numb, numbed
"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"
'Surgery went well, Mr. Moore. I had a lot of fun rebuilding your knee joint.'
Tags:doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, knee joint, knee joints, knee, knees, joint, joints, lego, rebuild, rebuilds, rebuilding, rebuilt, operating theater, operating theatre, hospital, hospitals, injure, injures, injury, injuries, injured, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'
Tags:injure, injures, injured, injury, injuries, swell, swells, swelling, swollen, squeeze, squeezes, squeezing, squeezed, ankle, ankles, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeries, bandage, bandages, bandaged, bandaging, tight, tightly, tighten, tightens, inflate, inflates, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'
"We did everything we could."
Tags:surgery, surgeries, option, options, exhausting all options, operation, operations, surgical procedure, surgical procedures, medical procedure, medical procedures, cliche, cliches, we did all we could, expression, expressions, figurative, literal, literally, option, options, outside the box, thinking outside the box
"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, surgeon, surgeons, gallbladder, gallbladder surgery, routine surgery, routine, surgeries, malpractice, medical malpractice, killing, television, televisions, television show, television shows, television program, television programs, television programmes, television programmes, tv, tvs, tv show, tv shows, tv program, tv programs, tv programmes, tv programmes, t.v., t.v.s, t.v. show, t.v. shows, t.v. program, t.v. programs, t.v. programme, t.v. programmes, watching t.v., watching tv, watching television, reality, reality tv, reality television, reality show, reality shows, immunity, send home, last week, bad idea, bad ideas, dangerous, irresponsible
"I take it, General Sedgewick, you're about to propose a surgical strike."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operations, operating, surgical, strike, strikes, military, strategy, strategies, military strategy, military strategies, general, generals, officer, officers, meeting, meetings, business, propose, proposal, proposals, surgical strike, surgical strikes, military operation, military operations, wordplay, word play, attack, plan, plans, planning
Surgical Ward- Please Replace Divots
Tags:surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operations, operating room, operating rooms, surgical ward, surgical wards, operating theatre, operating theatre, operating theater, operating theaters, golf, golfer, golfers, golfing, divot, divots, golf divot, golf divots, hospital, hospitals, hippocratic oath, malpractice, medical malpractice
"I want to have that operation I heard about on All Things Considered."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, operation, operations, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery, radio, radio show, radio shows, influenced, influencer, influencers, trend, trends, trendy
"Your kidney is in a holding pattern over new jersey and should be here in two hours."
Tags:surgeon, surgeons, surgery, operation, operations, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, kidney, kidneys, transplant, transplants, donor, donors, organ donor, organ donors