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'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'
"Kim Kardashian is trying to break the internet with her butt."
'I prefer broadsheets, and they're handy for lining the rabbit hutch.'
"I'd love to spend more time perusing the alternative media, but then I'd miss out on all those important celebrity stories."
News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.
I was to be Big-Foot's bride...but I was saved by Elvis!
"What's up? No trash in your paper today?"
"We'll return to our special reports, 'The World in Crisis,' after this break."
"The school newspaper's much improved as a tabloid!"