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"You're home, dear. We don't have room service."
"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."
"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"
'Welcome to the sounds of the ocean. Listen carefully as our menu options have changed. To continue in Spanish, press one now...'
'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'
'I take a fast shower, dress quickly, eat an instant breakfast, and come to work on rapid transit, only to be put on hold!'
"Push '4' to hear these options again...and this time pay attention!"
"Thank you for waiting. We appreciate your patience. If at any time you feel you need a more sincere and meaningful apology, please press one."
"If you know your party's extension, say 'know'. Otherwise say 'no'!"
For option 6,495,096 press star 145 times followed by...
'And press nine if you are loosing the will to live!'
Please listen carefully as our menu has changed...
This is the Pentagon...
"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."
"This is your wife, press 1 to discuss dinner or press 2 for a list of your chores."
"To talk to someone in Customer Service, press one, but we're pretty sure you'll want to hear our other 12 options. . ."
"Please listen to the following options..."