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"This ought to bring in the young demographic!"
"...And what if another 14 year old with a camera-phone gets more viewers tomorrow night, too?"
"Fake news is down 3, alternative facts down 2, political satire up 20."
'Which opinion molder gets my top approval rating? I guess it's Jimmy Fallon - the new king of late night comedy.'
"The following program has been judged likely to erode the national will."
"There are no 'R' ratings or 'X' ratings because all of it - the violence, the sex, the psychos - all of it is for us kids."
"I think the best part was when we decided not to record it."
'The following program isn't really recommended for anybody, but hey — ratings are ratings!'
"Where are people going to get their misinformation?"
"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"
'Let's watch this...it's intended for mature audiences only.'
Man about broom coming out of television: 'Oh-oh - Sweeps Week.'
'This one is for helping win the T.V. ratings wars with my expert military commentry.'
'What's the big deal with 'survivor' television? Doesn't anyone know what happens around here when ratings fall?'
'Hmph! Another programme trying to grab ratings'
'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'
'They've switched to a more-music, less-talk format.'
"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."
"After I dropped cable television they began showing up and force me to watch the news."