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'Should I make a note of the fact that the witness has grown a Pinocchio nose, your honor?'
'Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination!'
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and not in some sneaky relativistic way?"
Tags:truthteller, truthtellers, truthtelling, truth, truths, lawyer, lawyers, truth teller, truth tellers, swear in, swears in, swearing in, testify, testifies, testifying, testimony, testimonies, relativistic, technicality, technicalities, sneak, sneaks, sneaky, sneakiness, relative, relativistic, whole truth, whole truths, witness, witnesses, witnessing, court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, suspicious, suspiciousness, suspicion, suspicions, paranoia, paranoid, second-guess, second-guesses, second-guessing, shrewd, careful
"Before I start my taped testimony, I should like to say a few words about Fenton's Naturally Decaffeinated Coffee."
Tags:judge, judges, judged, judicial, judiciary, jury, juror, jurors, jury duty, law, lawyer, lawyers, legal, legality, legalism, your honor, honor, your honour, court, courts, court of law, court room, court rooms, courtroom, courtrooms, prosecute, prosecutor, attention, pay attention, focus, focused, focusing, taped, taped testimony, testimony, give testimony, advertising, advert, ad, ads, advertisement, advertisements, advertised, capitalism, consumerism, hack, law, marketing, marketting
'Yes, that's him. That's the author of the book that grabbed me and wouldn't let go!'
'Will you please answer the question, and this time, without the smoke and mirrors?'
Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.
'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, judge, judges, judged, witness, witness', witnessed, oath, oaths, truth, lie, lies, liar, lying, lied, wife, wife, fat, looks fat, bailiff, trial, trials, on trial, promise, promised, promises, promising, testimony, testimonies, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'The survival of this patient is a true testimony to the blessing of modern science.'
"Are you now, or have you ever been."
Tags:court, courts, court room, court rooms, judge, judges, justice, defendant, defendants, jurisprudence, jurist, jurists, law, laws, judiciary, judicial, judicial system, hearing, hearings, congressional hearing, congressional hearings, testify, testimony, testified, empty suit, empty suits, politician, politicians, politics, communism, communist, red scare, huac, play on words, invisible, invisibility, invisible man, absurd, absurdity, futile, futility
'Have you considered making your will?'
"Why don't we take a break? Your testimony is beginning to sound rehearsed."
Tags:testimony, testimonies, rehearse, rehearsed, rehearsal, rehearsals, practice, practices, practicing, practise, practises, practising, practiced, practised, suspicious, suspicion, suspicions, break, breaks, take a break, taking a break, script, scripts, scripted, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, barrister, barristers, court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, witness, witnesses, grand jury, grand juries
'Surely you don't expect the jury to believe that fairy tale, madam.'
"I believe this is nothing but a witch-hunt, Congressman."
Tags:witch hunt, witch hunts, witch-hunt, witch-hunts, witch hunting, witch-hunting, congressional hearing, congressional hearings, congress, congressmen, congressman, witchhunt, witchhunts, press, media frenzy, press frenzy, testimony, testimonies, media circus, discrimination, witch trial, witch trials
"If I'd snitched, Senator, I would have lost my street cred."
"And, in exchange for his testimony, your client gets to pick something nice out of our catalogue."
Tags:consumerism, bribe, bribes, settlement, settlements, legal settlement, legal settlements, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, prosecutor, prosecutors, legal representation, testimony, shopping, catalogue, catalogues, shopping catalogues, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, take advantage, taking advantage, bad deal, bad deals, cutting a deal
"I took aim, pulled the trigger, and then, suddenly, shots rang out."
Tags:court, courts, testimony, testimonial, testimonies, honest, honesty, court of law, lawyer, lawyers, legal, legality, legal system, court room, courtroom, judge, judges, judiciary, judicial, judicial system, gun violence, gun, guns, manslaughter, murder, testify, testifies, weak testimony, stand up in court, under oath, gun violence, crime, criminal, criminal justice, criminals, red handed, red-handed, caught red handed, caught red-handed
"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, laws, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, client, clients, defendant, defendants, defence, defense, deposition, depositions, testimony, videotape, videotapes, tape, tapes, rewind, considerate, kind, viewing, vcr, vcrs, film, films, movie, movies, technology, television, televisions, tv, tvs, t.v., t.v.s, the 80's, the eighties, the 90s, the nineties
'I, Jackson Kluck, being of unsound mind, spent it all on therapy.'
'Doctor, in your expert medical opinion, is this lump in my armpit anything to be concerned about?'
''Lying' is such a harsh word, your honor. We prefer to call it 'testimony without borders.''
It's hard to defend plagiarism.
"I want to change my testimony so it only contains the word: BAAAAAH!"
"She had rings on her fingers and, If memory serves me, she also had bells on her toes."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, laws, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, witness stand, witness, witnesses, testimony, giving testimony, questioning, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, fictional character, fictional characters, ride a cock horse to banbury cross, ring, rings, bell, bells, remembering, recalling, description, descriptions, describing, suspect, suspects
"Will your honor please instruct the prosecutor to stop chanting 'Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire' every time my witness answers a question?"