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'Enough about me. Let's talk about you. But let's not rush into talking about you...'
'Shouldn't you be wearing pants?'
'Hi, I'm Lars Fusco, and I've got a bottle of wine back at my house that your name on it.'
'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'
'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'
'Oh, that's mine. I attempted to have a thought earlier, but when I came up empty, it floated away.'
'No, it's not the beer talking. Beer actually makes a better impression than I do.'
'Because you move your lips, when you read, I think I have some idea of what you're going to have.'
'In case you haven't notices, I'm not a parrot, ironically, however, I could really go for a saltine right about now.'
'I wasn't always the failure you see before you, Axel. Once I was your age, with a life full of promise ahead of us and no excuse for not making it. . .'
'It's some little kid who wants his Halloween costume back.'
'So...maybe this staring contest was a mistake?'
'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'
Ask me about my litter!
'No, not 'Ah'. Say 'woof'. I'm actually a vet.'
Poker Game Called Off Due To Family Emergency.
'Do you mind if I have a friend spend the night?'
'Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening.'
'I've always been aware of the facts that this place is known for its soup, but now that I've tried it I can see why Newark magazine gave it five flies.'
'You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. Do, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?'
'Since you're only here for an earache, that won't be necessary Mr. Fusco.'
'Uh...there's no medical reason why your ingrown toe-nail should interfere with that. . .'
'I know these look like stink lines emanating from your allowance, Axel, but they're actually heat lines. . .'
Employees Only Mousehole.
'You know, Charlene, I never believe it when a woman says she can't go out with me because's staying in to wash her hair, but your story has the ring of truth. Have fun washing your beret tonight.'