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"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."
"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."
"The Lord moves in mysterious ways."
"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."
'I'm gonna squeeze in a quick nine black holes before the next epoch starts.'
"So that's a 'no', I take it?"
"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Nothing personal, it's just business."
Golfer being helped by God
'And tomorrow. . . the darkness will pass and all will be bathed in a celestial light that will unify and transform mankind. . .'
HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"
"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."
"He's mad at God."