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'He's not finished his 'communicating with empathy' training.'
Poison Dart Training Camp.
'Pass. Set. Facial...Good!...Pass. Set. Facial...awesome! Pass. Set. Facial...Perfect!...'
'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'
'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.'
'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'
'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'
'You now have an important role in the natural selection process - besides knowing how to treat, you have to decide who to treat.'
Start the session by doing something unusual.
'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'
'Ready to try out your new training?'
Tags:teamwork, umbrella, umbrellas, beach, beaches, seashore, seashores, cooperation, teams, team, working together, team player, business training, training, training sessions, team building, team players, raising the flag, iwo jima, battle of iwo jima, holiday, vacation, vacations, holidays, team building
'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'
Confessions may be recorded for evaluation and training purposes.
Cranston called in sick ... said he's got the 'Bah, Humbug'.'
"You signed up yesterday!"
"It's from our 'Time Management' trainer. He's double booked and can't come!"
"...I'll sit here pretending to be interested but I'll actually be writing a shopping list and fantasising about my plumber!"
"My self-defence training wasn't as useful as I'd hoped...Somehow it lacked the necessary 'edge'."
Tags:self-defence, self-defense, self defence, self defense, training, training session, training sessions, personal space, health and safety, health & safety, work environment, social worker, social workers, social work, social service, social services, dangerous job, dangerous jobs, political correctness, politically correct
'Next, go to the 'Guard' menu and select 'Bark.''
"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"
Tags:nurse, nursing skill, nursing skills, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, red tape, red-tape, skill, skills, on-the-job, on the job, training, training session, training sessions, nursing, patient care, patient-care, healthcare, health-care, verbal communication, verbal communications, customer service
"I'll need all your client files up to date and you'll need to attend the 'managing paperclips safely' training on Thursday."
Tags:management training, management seminar, management seminars, management, managements, manager, managers, training session, training sessions, training seminar, training seminars, workload, workloads, bureaucracy, bureaucracies, paper pusher, paper pushers, paper-pusher, paper-pushers, red tape, red-tape
"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."
"On my course they said that management was like origami...."