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"I'm afriad we had to cancel the 'perfect planning ' seminar. We forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we hoped to use died in 1958."
Active listening, session 1 "I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd hoped,three of them misheard the date,five got the time wrong and everyone in sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake."
Chinese whispers: "This active listening workshop sounds useful!" "Why would I want to go to Worksop?"
'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'
"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."
"On my course they said that management was like origami...."
'There may come a time when you feel the need to be a 'whistle blower' and it's vital that you are properly prepared.'
'We've listened to staff concerns about the need for more training.'
'I don't think he's finished his 'customer care' training.'
Larry hadn't measured himself against real market needs for many years - and wasn't about to start now.
'Well - there's your problem. You can't upgrade the system without upgrading the staff.'
"The Management Training Seminar was inexpensive, but you had to supply your own whip and chair."
'Explain again how you confused a seminar on bank financing with belly dancing?'
"And this bit down here is about actually how to do the job."
"I'd rain back on that Hannibal Lecter and give it more Mother Theresa."
"Today's training session is about delegation, so would someone like to come up and take over from me?"
!Now this, for those of you who have never met one, is what we call a client!"
"We'll start with a little 'trust' exercise. If you could just write down your PIN numbers, sort code and checking account balances."