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"I'm afraid that novel in you will have to come out."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumors, removal, come out, remove, writer, writers, author, authors, book, books, novel, novels, literature, writer's block, word play, wordplay
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."
Tags:tumour, tumours, tumor, tumors, baseball, baseballs, sport, sports, sportsman, sporting, base ball, the game, last inning, final inning, terminal, doctor, doctors, medicine, medicines, good news, bad news, good news and bad news, apt, appropriate, hospital, hospitals, gallows humor, black humor, dark humor, gallows humour, black humour, dark humour, get well, get well soon
"Good news, Mrs. Bryant - I think we got it all."
"We found a lumpty."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, egg, eggs, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, fictional character, fictional characters, humpty dumpty, lump, lumps, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, cancer, bad news
'Then we invented cell phones and the more we used them, the bigger our heads got.'
"The brain tumor's incurable, but let me give you something for that dandruff."
"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."
"Put a sock on his growth and he's the life of the party!"
"Trust me: It's benign."
Tags:tumour, tumours, tumor, tumors, benign tumour, benign tumours, benign tumor, benign tumors, camel, camels, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnostics, gp, gps, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, healthcare, medical care, patient, patients, paranoia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, veterinary surgeon, veterinary surgeons
The Eight Original Dwarves
Tags:dwarves, dwarf, little people, princess, malignancy, malignant, tumor, tumour, cancer, cancerous, dead, death, dying, died, die, passed, passed away, malignant tumor, malignant tumour, brothers grimm, brothers grim, german, germany, fairy tale, fairytale, fairy-tale, unhappy ending, magic, magic mirror, poison, poisonous, poisoned apple, evil, evil witch, witch, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, aggressive cancer, terminal, terminal cancer
An Oncologist at work and on days off at home
"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."
'It says that reading about cancer can give you CANCER!'
"You really have a great sense of tumor."
Tags:tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, sense of humour, pun, puns, word game, word games, word-game, word-games, scientist, medical scientist, medical scientists, medical science, scientists, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, compliment, compliments, complimenting, colleague, colleagues, coworker, coworkers
"I'm afraid it's bad news...You have a Tuba!"
"Good news, Mrs. Mostyn. Not only is it benign, but it's also herbivorous."
Tags:benign, calm, gentle, soft, nice, friendly, tumor, tumour, tumors, tumours, benign tumor, benign tumors, benign tumour, benign tumours, noncancerous, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, doctors office, doctors offices, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, herbivore, herbivores, plant eater, plant eaters, monster, monsters, creature, creatures, strange diagnosis, rare diagnosis, diagnosis, medical
'Well, it looks benign.'
Tags:church, growth, churches, spreading, religion, christianity, christians, tumour, tumor, unwanted, growing, congregation, unwelcome, overbearing, remove, atheism, finding god, god, spirituality, symptoms, symptomatic, cancer, cancerous, sunday worship, congregation, congregations, church attendance
'It hasn't been bothering me. Of course, I don't have to look at it.'
'There's no easy way to tell you this Mr.Lymtop...But i'm afraid you have an inoperable brain tuna.'
'Cell phones pose a cancer risk. Computers may lead to Identify theft. Paper memos kill trees. So why do anything?'
'Wait! Relax. I had it backward. You actually have a baseball the size of a tumor.'
Tags:baseball, base ball, baseballs, base balls, ball, balls, doctor, doctors, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosis, mistake, mistakes, mistaken, mistook, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, relax, relaxes, relaxing, relaxed, error, errors, size, sizes, sized, sizing, result, results, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
'Given the complexity of the task and the size of the tumor, your best bet is Photoshop.'