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'We've got all the figures, we just haven't decided what order to put them in!'
School of Britishness...'You passed on the hopeless optimism for rubbish nationall sports teams but failed on keeping down your lunch after 17 pints of lager.'
"So where were you during the tourist season?"
Tags:monster, monster, creature, creatures, scotland, scottish, uk, united kingdom, great britain, lake, lakes, loch, lochs, loch ness, loch ness monster, nessie, folklore, myth, myths, legend, legends, tourism, tourist, tourists, tourist season, rare, unusual, strange, scotsman, scotsmen, local, locals, tourist attraction, tourist attractions
"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"
Tags:trump, donald trump, president trump, president donald trump, us president, american president, trump state visit, uk, united kingdom, london, state visits, trump baby, trump baby blimp, trump blimp, chest hair, vain, vainity, trump uk visit, politics, world politics, international diplomacy, diplomacy
David Cameron's daughter left in pub: '. . .She was carrying fake I.D.!'
'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'
"That oven-ready trade deal will have to defrost."
"He picked up some kind of anger in England in the late fifties, and he's never been able to shake it."
'Mr. Grubb? It's about your benefit claim.'
'And in the next part of the ceremony you will swear allegiance to the Queen.'
'I notice you're claiming non-domicile status, Mr Bull...'
'Just what I didn't want... chocolate euros!'
America's pastimes through British eyes
1952-2012: 60 Glorious Years.
"I hate racist foreigners."
Having conducted a survey of 32.4% of the 56.6% of tax experts about 43% of the budget we found an 87.6% probability that we haven't got the foggiest ideas of what it means.
CSIS had a little ink left over, Prime Minister, so they've blacked out your paycheque.
It's exhausting watching all this sport...
"Too bad you're not single. You would have been big on Tinder."
Tags:scotland, referendum, independent, independence, independent vote, independence votes, united kingdom, uk, u.k., dating site, dating sites, date, dates, scottish national party, snp, s.n.p., vote, votes, voting, voter, voters, attractive, attractiveness, commiserate, commiserates, commiserating, commiseration
'Of all the technological advances from the last 60 years, this is one's favourite.'