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"Come back—I can change!"
Bill and his pet tortoise
'Do you realize that the only change we have had in this school in the last decade is a change in our phone number?'
The laws of physics are the same everywhere - illustrated by Newton's apple affected by gravity
"We have HBO, ESPN, and all the rest, but, mostly, we just watch the cheese channel."
'Sure, I'd like to accomplish something, but legislative gridlock is my only source of security in Washington!'
"Your consistency has been very impressive...100% wrong 100% of the time."
"How does it feel to be a year older, Baldo?"
"Dad, will I ever have the coolest car in the world?"
Mr Consistent: Before & After.
'With pipe smoking at an all time low, Malcolm stayed home awaiting the revival.'
"I had a dream that we were living in the 1970s, and you were both there! And you were too, Dad...wearing that exact same old-fashioned shirt!"