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"Thank you for calling the unemployment office. No one can take your call right now, because we've all been laid off."
Tags:unemployment, unemployed, unemployment office, unemployment, unemployment benefits, unemployment benefit, unemployment crisis, mass unemployment, sacked, sack, fired, laid off, let go, covid-19, covid 19, corona, coronavirus, novel coronavirus, corona virus, novel corona virus, pandemic, pandemics, coronavirus pandemic, covid-19 pandemic, covid 19 pandemic, public health crisis, global health crisis, self-isolation, social distancing, social distanced, socially distanced, physical distancing, quarantine, quarantines, quarantined, lockdown, lockdowns, locked down, stay-at-home order, stay-at-home orders, shelter-in-place, shelter-in-place order, shelter-in-place orders
"I may have something rather outside your field. Would you consider indentured servitude?"
Kellogg cuts workforce...
"I suppose now we've got time to think about 'customer care'!"
"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"
"It used to take a whole computer to replace a worker. Now it just takes an app."
"Outsourcing? First door on your right."
Tags:outsource, outsources, outsourcing, unemployment, unemployed, unemployment office, globalist, globalists, globalism, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, restructure, restructures, restructuring, layoff, layoffs, laid off, laying off, employee, employees, work, worker, workers, depression, firing, firings, job loss, job losses, economic contraction, shrinking economy, downsize, downsizes, downsizing
"You have no experience, skills or talent. I'm afraif we can only place you on a reality TV show, which will lead to wealth and fame."
Tags:reality tv, reality television, reality show, reality program, reality shows, reality programs, unemployment office, unemployment offices, job centre, job centres, job center, job centers, show business, show biz, fame, fortune, actor, actors, actress, actresses, career, careers, career path, career paths
Unemployment office: Dec. 26th.
"To show we're not all bad, the company is giving all laid off employees a GPS device to help them find the unemployment office."
Tags:lay off, lay-off, lay-offs, lay offs, laid off, laid-off, redundancy, redundancies, redundancy package, redundancy packages, unemployment office, job center, job centre, job centres, job centers, unemployment benefits, unemployment welfare, gps, sat nav, satellite navigation, employee, employees, employer, employers, directions
'You have reached a non-working number at the State Unemployment Office.'
'Thank you for calling the State Unemployment office. All of our operators have been furloughed. Please call back next month.'
'Your office window has a view of the unemployment office, which should serve as motivation to work hard and keep your job.'
"Santa is moving the toy shop to the South Pole to avoid paying union wages."
'But I do network. I talk to everybody in the unemployment office.'
'But it's career day... I'm supposed to take him to work.'
Santa in the Unemployment Office.
The destiny of untrained seals.
'Since bottom line growth has been so robust, big business wants to thank you all in advance for not applying with them.'
'The destiny of untrained seals'
'Maybe I am jinxed -- did anybody else ever get hit by a meteor while standing in line at the unemployment office?'
"The boss kicked me up the corporate ladder and I fell off!"
"Oh, I saw it coming a mile away - just not quite that forcefully."