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"It's Harvard, Professor. They want to know when you're going to grade last June's exams."
"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."
He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.
"I worked my whole career to get a chair, and this is it?!"
"I told you when you moved into Dr. Condee's office that his bookshelves were due to collapse any day."
"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."
"They said he had to post his office hours, but they didn't say where."
"Given my salary, it's appropriate that I teach microeconomics."
Are you sure this is the best way to fill the endowed chair?
"As it turns out, we have an opening at one of our small branch campuses."
"I didn't realize there would be so much yucky stuff."
"I wish that life was as logical as Algebra."
"I'm afraid you lack the power to exile a professor to a branch campus."
"Look, we don't do grants up here, so there's no point in writing grant applications."
Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.
"The good news is that the Remedial Learning Program is more popular than ever, which is also the bad news."
"I know, I'll pay for my new car by also teaching Adult Extension Courses, like Bob and Ernie here."
"Congratulations on your Pulitzer. Now, let's revisit the university's contract offer."