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"Come on—Somebody try to catch me! Anybody?"
Tags:gingerbread man, food, cake, cakes, carrot cake, carrot cakes, unpopular, folklore, fairy tale, fairy tales, children's literature, literature, children's story, children's stories, the gingerbread man, fictional character, fictional characters, desperate, unloved, unwanted, alone, lonely, forever alone, leftover
"For People Who Enjoy Everything About Flying Except Being 30,000 Feet Up In The Air, There's The WIDE -BODY TRIAN!"
Tags:train, trains, plane, planes, airplane, airplanes, aeroplane, aeroplanes, airliner, airliners, flight, flying, scared, transport, transportation, amenities, pointless, unhelpful, useless, pointless, unwanted, unneeded, travel, travels, travelling, comfort, comforts, experience, experiencing, experiences, experienecd, critical, critique, parody, parodies
"I think you're using lawnmower repair to avoid intimacy."
"We could always regift it."
"It's from Santa, and it goes way, way beyond jolly."
"Tell your grandfather how much you like his present and ask him if he still has the receipt."
Tags:return, returns, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas, x-mas, xmas, unwanted, unwanted gift, unwanted gifts, receipt, receipts, returns department, returns departments, self-interest, self-interested, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, smartphone, smartphones, smart phone, smart phones, exchange, exchanges, exchanging, birthday, birthdays, thankful, grateful, inappropriate, ask permission, asking permission, limited screen time, limiting screen time
"Has that one guy we've been sending all the spam to responded yet?"
Tags:spam, spammail, spam mail, email, emails, junk, junk mail, cold caller, cold call, unsolicited, computers, computer, internet, sales, salesmen, offices, sell, spammed, spammer, spammers, spamming, leafleting, leaflets, unwanted, unwanted spam, unwanted email, circular, technology, tech, modern, modern life, digital age, digital world, digital, sarcasm, sarcastic, automated email, automated, automation, perspective
"How much are we supposed to tip the guy who followed us to our room and flicked the light switch?"
Tags:tip, tipping, tipped, tipping culture, attendant, unnecessary, work, gratuity, service charge, unwanted, awkward, excessive, excessively, unneeded, redundant, creepy, desperate, desperately, eager, overly eager, gratuities, creep, creeps, bellhop, bellhops, bellboy, bellboys, bell hop, bell hops, bell boy, bell boys, service charge, service charges, uncertainty, social expectation, social expectations, social graces
A genie helps a man fold laundry.
"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."
Tags:escape, run away, running away, escapes, unwanted, sewer, sewers, live in the sewers, folder, spreadsheets, spreadsheet, folders, dossier, useless, unhelpful, use, using, business, businesses, businessman, corporate, corporation, flee, demonised, getaway, run, running, hide, hiding, make your escape, crash, financial, crisis
'What do you MEAN this IS the show?!! Let me see the tickets!'
Tags:seal, seals, perform, performs, performance, performances, musical concert, concerts, concert, gig, gigs, audience, audiences, crowd, crowds, horn, horns, honk, honks, honked, honking, unexpected, surprise, surprises, surprised, unanticipated, unwanted, disappointed, disappointing, close to home
"I hope you kept the box it came in."
"It's my first husband. He's trying to win me back."
Tags:relationships, marriage, obstacles, household, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters, win back, wins back, winning back, divorcee, divorcees, second marriage, second marriages, hit on, hits on, hitting on, flirt, flirts, first husband, first husbands, persistent, persistence, phone call, phone calls, unwanted, unwanted attention, mankoff
"I'm starting to think she doesn't want that ball."
Tags:dog, dogs, pet, pets, pet dog, pet dogs, dog owner, dog owners, pet owner, pet owners, fetch, playing fetch, walkies, dog walking, dog walker, dog walkers, dog walk, dog walks, misunderstand, misunderstanding, throwing, throwing, ball, want, get rid, getting rid, unwanted, possession, possessions
"Will you buy us booze?"
'You left your resume in the copier. Tell me where your applying and I'll send it right out!'
Gardening Tips - allow worms to drag unwanted organic matter deep into the soil
"Want to know what I think?"
Tags:baseball, baseballs, huddle, team huddle, team, wrong team, side, sides, switch sides, batter, bat, batting, pitch, pitcher, pitcher's mound, mound, team meeting, opinion, opinionated, unwanted, unwanted opinion, input, unwanted input, unsolicited, inappropriate, eavesdrop, eavesdropping, unhelpful, not helping, sport, sports, live sport, sporting, bad sport, unsolicited advice, bad advice, unwanted advice, patronise, patronising, patronised, patronize, patronizing, patronized, talk down
"I realize that each day is a gift. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how to exchange fourteen thousand six hundred of them."
Tags:gift, gifts, grateful, gratitude, gratefulness, life, cynic, cynics, cynical, dark humor, dark humour, exchange, exchanges, exchanging gifts, unwanted, present, presents, middle age, middle aged, midlife crisis, forty, forties, fortieth birthday, 40th birthday, age, birthday, birthdays, waste, wastes, wasted
'Wow! THAT'S what I'd call a Birthday surprise! It's the Christmas crap I sold on eBay!'
'See, it says right here; may cause lightheadedness.'