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'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'
Tags:mow, mows, mowing, mower, mowers, lawnmower, lawnmowers, lawn, lawns, grass, cut, cuts, cutting, cuttings, cutter, cutters, sale, sales, salesman, salesmen, sell, sells, selling, tree, trees, convenient, convenience, machine, machines, useful, handy, clever, innovative, invention, close to home
"On the other hand, it's not like I wake up every morning thinking, Omigod, I wish I had a giant wooden horse."
'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'
Tags:attorney, attorneys, divorce attorney, divorce lawyer, lawyers, divorce, divorcing, divorces, marriage counseling, marriage counselor, counsel, counseling, counselor, counselors, pleased to know, worst comes to the worst, last resort, useful information, useful, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."
Tags:doctor, doctors, pensioner, pensioners, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, oaps, o.a.p., checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, outliving your usefulness, usefulness, useful, physician, physicians, geriatrics, geriatric medicine, life expectancy, life expectancies, long life, long-life
'Isn't it great? It gives us four times the storage space as a regular fridge!'
Football players in a huddle with only the backs of their jerseys showing; one player with a foreign sounding name has the phonetic symbols for the pronunciation of his name printed on the back of his jersey as well.
Tags:sport, sports, football, american football, football player, football players, athlete, athletes, huddle, huddles, huddling, name, names, foreign name, foreign names, pronunciation, phonetic, symbol, symbols, hard to pronounce, helpful, useful, innovative, innovation, innovations, sports commentating, sports commentator, sports commentators, identification, identifying
Tags:road, roads, highway, highways, turning, turnings, turning off, motorway, motorways, motorway driving, motorway driver, motorway drivers, highway exit, motorway exit, hihgways exits, motorway exit, driveway, driveways, home, homes, sign, signs, highway sign, highways signs, motorway sign, motorway signs, signage, useful, signage
"Super! Now, once you've rebuilt civilization I can do the investment banking."
Tags:nuke, nukes, nuclear war, nuclear wars, fallout, post-apocalypse, use, useful, utility, usefulness, investor, investment banker, investment bankers, investment banking, stock, stocks, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stocks and bonds, rebuild, rebuilds, rebuilding, useless, superfluous, skill, skills, skilled labour, skilled labor, labor, labors, laborer, laborers, labourer, labourers, manual labor, egghead, eggheads
"After we have sex but before I kill you, I'm going to need your help with some shelves."
Tags:praying mantis, praying mantises, manual labor, manual labour, kill, kills, killing, killings, killer, killers, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, insect, insects, entomology, entomologist, entomologists, married life, marriage, marriages, married lives, useful, techincal, shelving, shelving unit, shelving units, assemble, assembles, assembling, assembly, shelves, build, builds, handyman, handymen
Customers looking to buy shoes in the 'Trainers' section. Right next to them, a smaller section entitled 'Trainers for actually playing sport in.'
'I know moms can drive you crazy, but they can drive you lots of other places, too!'
'It won't work, I'm Jewish!'
Swiss Army Desk
Swiss Army Couch.
"I want bigger virgins."
'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.
'Strength and speed are useful, son, but coordination is crucial!'
"Stress is often associated with feelings of 'isolation'...It's really important that you see yourself as valued, as useful!"
Tags:manager, managers, management, managements, stress, stressed, stresses, stressful, stressfulness, employee, employees, employer, employers, useful, usefulness, workload, workloads, overwork, overworked, overworking, work load, work loads, office job, office jobs, desk job, desk jobs, working environment, working environments, work environment, work environments
More Useful Doomsayers
Tags:doomsayer, doomsayers, meter, meters, parking meter, parking meters, warn, warns, warning, warnings, parking ticket, parking tickets, ticket, tickets, ticketing, end of the world, apocalypse, apocalyptic, useful, usefulness, utility, park, parks, parking, street parking, doom sayer, doom sayers, protest, protests, protesting, protester, protesters, courtesy, courtesies
And then one day it happened: form, which always follows Function, crosses the line into outright stalking.
Tags:form, function, form follows function, stalk, stalking, stalker, stalks, harassment, harassments, harassing, criminal, criminal activity, privacy, invasion of privacy, engineer, engineering, axiom, axiomatic, design, designer, manufacture, manufacturing, product, product design, utility, useful, usefulness, obsess, obsessive, law, law and order, surveillance, spy, spying, furtive, furtively
"I'm afraid that kidney went to somebody who can write code."
Tags:utility, utilitarian, utilitarianism, kidney, transplant, transplants, waiting list, modern medicine, organ, organs, organ donation, donation, donations, organ donor, donor, donors, operate, operated, operation, operations, ill, illness, sick, sickness, computer science, priority, prioritise, prioritize, prioritised, prioritized, useful, usefulness, job, jobs, job market, capitalism, capitalist, merit, meritocracy, meritocratic, philosophy, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, get well, get well soon, health, health insurance, insurance, money
Scarf puts hat back on.
Tags:wind, windy, windy day, windy days, blowy day, blowy days, scarf, scarves, helpful, helpfulness, useful, usefulness, hat, hats, hat blowing off, hat blown off, commute, the commute, commuting, commuter, commuters, walk to work, walking to work, visual gag, visual gags, visual joke, visual jokes, mens fashion, mens fashions, men's fashion, men's fashions, bad weather
"It is the end of the world, but who would have thought it would be so noninvasive and convenient."
"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."
'First, wool. Then, lamb chops, Now they've got us creating antibiotics for them.'