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"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Kruthers on the toilet."
"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."
Desert island 'Help' cards
"I'm a social scientist, Michael. That means I can't explain electricity or anything like that, but if you ever want to know about people I'm your man."
Fact-finding Tour Inside Joe's Head
"I don't know why I know all this useless carrot trivia."
'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'
Information booth and what to do with it.
"One question: If this is the Information Age, how come nobody knows anything?"
'I see a hairline fracture, some misconceptions and lots of useless information.'
'You've been hard at work on my account, judging from the number of prospectuses I throw away unopened each week.'
'I know where I am - where the hell is my ball!'
'Remember that code we couldn't decipher for seven years? We deciphered it - but do we want to know everything there is to know about rainfall in eastern Peru?'
"This is a mine of useless information."