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"Vampires are scary but they don't know it since they can't see themselves in mirrors."
'Come to think of it...there is garlic in the soup.'
"Oh, honey, listen! They're playing our song: 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore'!"
'Vlad, I know it's not your fault that you don't have a reflection but...'
'Quick, Bernie - in here!'
"Time for a diet or a double-wide."
"I had to quit my job as a day trader."
"As a vegan vampire I suck, but I don't swallow."
A not-so-bright vampire with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
"I'm being drained."
Chances of making it back to the castle by daybreak suddenly seemed slim.
"I'm 400 years old. I'd say that qualifies me as a senior."
"Honestly, I came here to drink your blood, but this claret is positively delightful!"