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'Get real! Reality is, Reality sells'
'They hired a chimp to read the news! The ratings war must really be heating up.'
"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"
'We interrupt our regular programming because nobody much is watching anyway....'
'I dreamt last night that a lecture about the decline of culture in the early twenty-first century topped the viewing figures on the internet.'
'And in other news, the American television-viewing audience is getting smaller - details at 10. . .'
Confusion between viewing figures for 'Big Brother' and the argument for non-custodial sentences.
"The following programme contains scenes of a ratings-boosting nature."
'What's the big deal with 'survivor' television? Doesn't anyone know what happens around here when ratings fall?'
"The three finalists find themselves on Sir Alan's private jet with no fuel and just one parachute between them!"
'The bad guys are winning -- it must be a documentary.'
'Hmph! Another programme trying to grab ratings'
"This should knock up the viewing figures!"