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"Not now - I'm mime-texting yoga porn!"
"I think our waitress sees us now."
'Waiter, this salad has a fly in it.'
'Do you mind leaving a tip before I wait on you so I can determine my service level for this table?'
'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'
"Along with our new menu, we now offer an attractive selection of tipping options."
'Would you like seconds?'
'This is my first day on the job. Is anything okay?'
'This place is a tip.'
'It's all local, except for the fish. They're from the ocean.'
'Still a culinary disaster area, but compared to five years ago, the service is much better.'
'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'
'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'
'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'
'It's my first fillet flambe.'
'How was the squid?'
'Why the free meal?'
'Please sir, I want some more!'
I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'
'I think I've got one, Doris!'
'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'
'How is the water prepared?'
'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'