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"Um, anything you need to tell me? Now would be a good time."
"I , Bob, take you, um, gosh, I'm terrible with names. I think it starts with a J. Joan? Jane? Jill? You don't look like a Jill. How about Jan?"
"To be joined together as a matched pair, in cleanliness and in filth, until separation in the laundry do you part?"
"Counsel for the groom, does your client, Dave, take Cindy to be his lawfully wedded wife? If so, please signify by saying 'he does'."
"You know I heard she birthed an entire colony out of wedlock."
'It would never work, Harold. My tax preperation software your tax preperation software are incompatible.'
'It just wouldn't work out, Derek. I'm from a red state, and you're from a blue state.'
"...for better OR worse, not AND."
'Norman just loves that leaf blower I bought him for Christmas.'
'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'
'It won't work, Rodney. You're hamburger without the bun, I'm bun without the hamburger.'
'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'
'This Christmas I decided to treat myself.'
'It might ease the pain of expense if you think of me as a specialist, Think of me as a wedlocksmith...'
'I won't need to stop and ask directions to your mother's now will I?!'
Old Man and Women
'-and the ceremony,dearest,your place or mine?'
"I didn't like the tone of your 'I do'."