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Customer: 'I've got a complaint. This laptop doesn't fit my lap!'
"Everything I eat goes straight to my ass."
Still fits like a glove after all these years!
Joe's Weight Gain: 'Sweat-pants make you fat.'
"Lookin' good, Frosty!"
Tags:holiday, holidays, weight gain, weight loss, gain weight, gains weight, gaining weight, lose weight, losing weight, lost weight, compliment, compliments, complimenting, diet, diets, dieting, new year's resolution, new years resolution, resolution, resolutions, christmas, christmas season, snowman, snowmen, frosty, christmas song, christmas songs
"Shut up. You could use an Empire waist, too!"
Tags:construction, construction worker, construction workers, builder, builders, contractor, contractors, men's clothing, men's wear, menswear, mens clothing, for men, masculinity, masculine, feminine, femininity, fashion, fashions, fashionable, flatter, flatters, flattering, empire line, empire waist, empire, empire dress, gut, guts, beer belly, beerbelly, belly, paunch, potbelly, pot belly, fat, fatter, weight, weight gain
"That's the same old thirty pounds that's been coming and going for as long as I've known her."
"You've put on weight."
"Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity."
'Actually, according to your height, you're at your ideal body weight.'
"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."
Tags:vanity size, vanity sizes, vanity sizing, dressing room, dressing rooms, weight gain, gaining weight, overweight, go up a size, going up a size, fit, fits, fitting room, fitting rooms, changing room, changing rooms, dressing room, dressing rooms, dress up, dresses up, dressing up, new dress, new dresses
'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'
'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'
'I started a program of aerobics to lose weight. I can feel it working. My fat is being converted to aches and pain.'
'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'
"Whatever doesn't kill me makes me gain weight."
Tags:woman, women, body image, body weight, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect, mental health, weight, gain weight, gaining weight, putting on weight, weight gain, kill, diet, diets, dieting, health, unhealthy, healthy, eating, food, snacking, beauty, stereotype, stereotypes, expression, expressions, aphorism, aphorisms, word play, wordplay
"I want a doctor I can relate to, someone who's at least fifteen pounds over his ideal weight."
Tags:overweight, relatable, relatability, doctor, doctors, nutritionist, nutritionists, medical professional, medical professionals, ideal weight, weight loss, diet, diets, dieting, weight gain, middle age, middle aged, beside manner, personal, preference, preferences, unhealthy, extra baggage, dietitian, dietitians, healthy eating, healthy living
"You reckon it might be time to start thinking about a new nickname, Slim?"
Tags:slang, cowboy, cowboys, cow boy, cow boys, wild west, west, western, westerns, old west, wild wild west, horseback, bronco, broncos, horses, horse, pony, pony express, ye olde, modern, modern life, modernity, yehaw, cowboy hat, hat, 10 gallon hat, ten gallon hat, pants, chaps, saloon, saloons, sheriff, sheriffs, deputy, deputies, masculinity, stereotype, stereotypes, masculine, holster, holstered, weight, weigh, overweight, weight gain, gaining weight, let yourself go, letting yourself go
Scenes from a successful marriage.
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, lying, honesty, lie, lies, white lie, white lies, liar, liars, happy wife happy life, successful, successful marriage, successful marriages, saying what they want to hear, flattery, sucking up, bald, balding, hair loss, overweight, weight gain, beauty, body image
An alarming amount of what you eat goes to waist.
'Everybody, but Jake's horse, was glad he'd given up smoking.'
"You may now start packing on the pounds."
Tags:weight gain, marry, marries, marrying, wedding day, wedding days, wedding, weddings, gaining weight, let yourself go, letting yourself go, pack on the pounds, packing on the pounds, happy marriage, happy marriages, inevitable, inevitability, realistic, overweight, fat, fatness, fatten up, fattening up, couple, couples
Signs that colas are making you fat. . .
'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - You'll run it off during the toddler years.'
"I can still fit into my high-school kayak."
Tags:kayak, kayaks, high school, high schools, eskimo, eskimos, weight, diet, diets, dieting, slim, slim down, slims down, slimming down, stay slim, stays slim, staying slim, middle age, middle aged, brag, brags, bragging, braggart, braggarts, softening middle, weight gain, gaining weight, maintaining weight, high school weight