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Customer: 'I've got a complaint. This laptop doesn't fit my lap!'
"Everything I eat goes straight to my ass."
"It's mostly water weight."
Still fits like a glove after all these years!
Joe's Weight Gain: 'Sweat-pants make you fat.'
"Lookin' good, Frosty!"
Tags:holiday, holidays, weight gain, weight loss, gain weight, gains weight, gaining weight, lose weight, losing weight, lost weight, compliment, compliments, complimenting, diet, diets, dieting, new year's resolution, new years resolution, resolution, resolutions, christmas, christmas season, snowman, snowmen, frosty, christmas song, christmas songs
"She'll get fat in 5 years."
"Shut up. You could use an Empire waist, too!"
Tags:construction, construction worker, construction workers, builder, builders, contractor, contractors, men's clothing, men's wear, menswear, mens clothing, for men, masculinity, masculine, feminine, femininity, fashion, fashions, fashionable, flatter, flatters, flattering, empire line, empire waist, empire, empire dress, gut, guts, beer belly, beerbelly, belly, paunch, potbelly, pot belly, fat, fatter, weight, weight gain
Santa Claus on the scales
"That's the same old thirty pounds that's been coming and going for as long as I've known her."
"Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity."
"Maybe you should worry less about kryptonite and more about office doughnuts."
Tags:snack, snacks, junk food, junk foods, doughnut, doughnuts, donut, dognuts, superhero, superheroes, super hero, super heroes, super-hero, super-heroes, dress sense, super power, super powers, belly, bellies, cake, cakes, junk food, junk foods, fast food, fast foods, weight gain, weight problem, weight problems, obesity problem, gut, guts, achilles' heel
"You've put on weight."
'Actually, according to your height, you're at your ideal body weight.'
"Take into account I've probably put on about thirty pounds."
"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."
Tags:vanity size, vanity sizes, vanity sizing, dressing room, dressing rooms, weight gain, gaining weight, overweight, go up a size, going up a size, fit, fits, fitting room, fitting rooms, changing room, changing rooms, dressing room, dressing rooms, dress up, dresses up, dressing up, new dress, new dresses
'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'
'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'
"Why is living my best life so fattening?"
"You don't get water retention, dear. You get pizza retention."
Tags:bloating, bloated, bloat, water retention, fluid retention, pizza, pizza, weight gain, weightloss, putting on weight, put on weight, diet, diets, unhealthy diet, unhealthy diets, junk food, couch potato, couch potatoes, slob, slobs, couple, couples, partner, partners, home truths, honest truth, the truth hurts, blunt, to the point
Beluga High 25th Reunion
Santa eats too many mince pies
"I could really go for a cookie...but there are only two left, and the kids will be home in an hour! If I eat one, they'll fight over the other one!"
Tags:cookie, cookies, biscuit, biscuits, cookie jar, cookie jars, parent, parents, parenting, mother, mothers, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother's day, mothers day, problem, problems, solution, fight, fights, fighting, conflict, conflicts, conflict resolution, fix, fixes, greed, greedy, justification, justifications, justify, justifies, justifying, snack, snacks, snacking, sweets, weight gain, gaining weight, diet, diets, dieting
'I started a program of aerobics to lose weight. I can feel it working. My fat is being converted to aches and pain.'
'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'