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"Why is living my best life so fattening?"
'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'
'Your back went out because your front went out.'
'Well, that's it. The class of '64 has gained a total of 4,853 pounds.'
"I knew steroids were bad for me, but at least I got this trophy."
Tags:trophy, trophies, steroid, steroids, medicine, medicines, weight gain, weight gains, silver lining, silver linings, weightlifting trophy, weightlifting trophies, optimist, optimists, bulk, bulked up, bulking up, bulks up, optimism, second head, second heads, sports, sportsman, sportsmen, deform, deformity, deforms, deformed
'In the last 26 years, I've lost 2143 pounds. Unfortunately, in the same period I've gained 2187 pounds!'
Women weighing herself with balloons.
Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...
'Room service for how many?'
'Curses on historical perspective.'
'How many more minutes until the meal is served?!!'
'From the neck up, I worry about credit card debt. From the neck down I worry about fat debt.'
'Oops. I just lost my sense of humor.'
'for all the time men spend looking at women's bodies, they know absolutely nothing about them.'
"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."
'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'
'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'
'Read it now...now!'
'When was the last time your team carried you off the field, coach?'
"How can I lose weight when I don't like any of this month's Top 10 Workout Songs?"
'I have FOUR stomachs, as well as a dinner bell around my neck... why do you THINK I've been putting on weight???'
"It's a vicious circle ... quits smoking, gains 10 pounds, goes on a diet."
"Let's don't, and say we did."
'I'm trying to lose weight. How much does underwear weigh?'
Coffins down the ages.